Forgive Us Our Trespasses by Lily Miles

Author:Lily Miles [Miles, Lily]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Written Warrior Press
Published: 2020-01-23T16:00:00+00:00

16

Monica

Balmy morning sunlight drifts across the three small beds in the cramped room, but I’ve already been awake for hours. In fact, I barely managed to get any rest at all.

I can’t even remember the last time I struggled to fall asleep, aside from perhaps that time last year that I’d snuck those popping candies into the morning scones while a substitute chef took over for Erik, who was sick in bed with the flu. Sister Catherine had managed to sneak those candies to me during one of our outings in the town, reading Bible stories to the children in the local library. I’d held onto the candy for months before finally deciding how to use them. I did end up feeling terrible for the substitute chef though: Mother Antonia typically has her own batch of extra sweet treats, and somehow the popping candies ended up in her scones, as well. She really let him have it. Erik said the poor guy burst into tears, which I believe.

That whole night beforehand, I’d stayed up imagining how everyone would react when their food started fizzing in their mouths. It was hysterical, up until Mother Antonia figured out it was me. I’d had nothing but plain beef broth to eat for ten days.

Now, I feel like an entirely different person than I was even those few short months ago. Even from a few days ago, I feel I’ve changed. Something’s awakened inside of me, and it feels like it’s going to consume me whole.

Every time I close my eyes, I imagine Brett. I imagine making those noises that Summer made while she touched herself, except it was Brett’s hands roaming over me. His body is so large and strong that he’d be able to crush me if he wanted, and I'm dying now to feel the hot warmth of him engulfing me.

I know even just allowing myself to imagine these things is a sin, but I have no idea how to turn off these feelings. I want to blame them on Summer, but I know it’s not her fault. The flames of this strange heat had begun to ignite the first time I laid eyes on Brett. Something about him made me yearn for things I never have before.

I’m torn between hoping I never see him again, and dying to rush out among those construction workers to find him. I want to touch him. I want to let my hands wander down those huge, rugged arms and all over his body. I want to brush the dark hair off his forehead and away from his chocolate eyes.

Does yearning for him mean I'm not a good girl? Does it mean that I'm lost to sin completely? I don’t know how to reconcile my yearning for him with my desire to be a good woman of faith. All that I do know is, I’ve never wanted anything the way I want to be with Brett. Even the desire I felt when I was first taking my vows as a nun pales in comparison to my craving to be one with Brett.

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